I came across this blog today and was slightly confused. In this post, you discussed your interactions with your children during a morning "episode." What I got from it is that of instead of calmly handling the situation like 99% of other parents out there, you *chose* to blame your inability to be a good parent on a "mental illness." My father raised 3 girls alone, and although he was not a professional at all things girl/woman, he somehow survived (and didn't have a panic attack over something as trivial as putting a hair clip in properly). Your inability to handle a situation with maturity, patience and control will, no doubt, affect your childrens' interactions with each other and everyone else, now and in the future. The next time you are type to "us (your readers)" about your regrets regarding your treatment of your children, tell someone who cares...your kids.
P.S. Nobody oversleeps unless they hit the snooze button.
SlashBe
· 1 year ago
Darlene, Thank you for the comment. It's always interesting to see how other persons view one's behavior and actions. However I feel your comment is not as as accurate as you seem to believe it is. You attached quotes or asterisks around the words: episode, chose, and mental illness. I understand you quoted episode as a reference to the entry within my blog, however I am curious and would like to ask you to explain the asterisks around chose and mental illness. Do you not believe that I suffer from the conditions stated? Do you feel that regardless of my condition that I should have been able to control my actions? What is your belief about mental illnesses? I would love to continue this discussion with you. That decision ultimately rests with you.
Suzanne
· 1 year ago
Wow! Trey ~ I am so glad I read this post! From a woman who is engaged to someone who I believe has ADD and OCD … this has really shed some light for me. This part in particular, “my OCD kicked in. I wanted everybody to do exactly what I wanted how I wanted when I wanted with absolutely no deviation from my mental picture of how everything was supposed to go. Of course my girls had no idea what I wanted because I never vocalized anything to them. Instead they simple got yelled at for no reason other than I have some serious mental issues.”
He just came in the room and I read this part to him. This type of thing happens here in our home often. He will tell me, “Oh well, that’s who I am so just deal with it.” Well, I just explained to him that I will work really hard to understand how HE thinks things should be … if he promises to remember (and care) that I CAN’T READ HIS MIND and that it’s MY LIFE TOO! It doesn’t always have to be done HIS way! LOL We are packing today to go camping and traveling seems to be one of the hardest things we “deal” with … so wish me luck! *huGs* Suzanne
P.S. I was troubled to read Darlene’s comment. First of all, as the mother of 3 and soon-to-be stepmother of yet 2 more … I highly doubt that 99% of others handle their mornings “calmly.” In fact, most of my girlfriends and I share our disappointment and grief with each other when we have an “episode” where we aren’t too proud of our parenting style over any given situation. Give me a break!
@Darlene … How many kids do you have? What are their ages? I too started out a very calm, loving, soft-spoken mother … and sometimes stress can bring out the worst in any of us. His daughter JUST started kindergarten and is a very stressful time for a lot of parents. I personally would never judge someone’s parenting ability over a “rant” post on their blog. Also, I can’t say for sure (because I don’t know Trey) but I highly doubt that the panic attack was over the “hair clip.” He clearly states that his anxiety was in trying to get her to school on time … something I’ve felt many a times.
Now, only he knows if he was truly remorseful and took the steps to apologize to his children. I do agree that type of environment will affect them … now and later. His daughter sounds pretty well-adjusted to me … she in fact found a solution to a problem they were having with the hair clip … and I believe in teaching our kids to think for themselves … and she did.
betty
· 1 year ago
Just wanted to respond to Suzanne. Hope you don't mind Trey. He didn't have to apologize that day. I went to school half way through the day to change what she was wearing. His distress most likely had doubled due to what I had picked out for her to wear that day. It was a dress that for some reason hung way too low. He put another shirt underneath the dress which inevitable made her hot during the day. So I went to change her. I asked how her morning went and she told me to tell Daddy that it was Ok, he tried really hard and wanted me to give him a hug and a kiss. Our kids know that daddy sometimes has a hard time with things other people would think easy. However they don't hold it against him. They flock to him and tend to be daddies girls. By the way thanks for nice comment you left him, I was a bit bewildered by what Darlene had said.
Darlene this is for you. Where the %^$* do you get off condemning someone who just wanted to stress his frustration at his actions? Don't think that when I came home that day that he didn't feel like crap. He explained the morning and looked absolutely defeated. I've been married to this man for 8 years. Until he went for help with his issues over a year ago things were difficult but we didn't give up on him and we didn't let him down. Since he initially went for help our lives have been harmonious. Yes there have been some times that have been difficult but I'm proud of him and our kids love him and seem to understand his illness better than your grown ass self could.
Suzanne
· 1 year ago
*grin* ... *big grin* ... I'm happy to hear your point of view Betty!
I feel a bit worried for Darlene because the Lord has a way of "showing" us about things we don't fully accept or understand ... so who knows what he might have in store for her. I don't say that in the way of, "I hope you get yours," but more in a ... "you might need some lessons in compassion for others" kind of way.
I found it refreshing that Trey would share his fiasco, and partial breakdown, from that morning LOL ... something many of us go through (maybe not on his level?) but most wouldn't ever admit to! Do I think it's OK to yell and scream at your kids? Of course not! Unfortunately, most of us do from time to time ... and he showed clear remorse for his behavior ... in his post and there at home.
BTW Darlene ... are you tellilng me you've never hit the snooze button?! Good grief! You really are SuperWoman!!!
AngieSS
· 1 year ago
Wow, that Darlene's a real piece of work, eh? She certainly isn't even remotely a decent human being! How do I make that assessment? Oh, maybe because decent human beings are helpful, and compassionate, and not judgemental. And she apparently isn't smart enough to understand something as complex as mental illness either. It must be nice to live in a perfect little bubble and just spew out falsities all over the place. Don't you just love when uneducated people say things like "99%" and they have absolutely no factual data to back that up? They just pull it out of their ass because they have an undeniable need to always appear to be right. Or "nobody oversleeps unless they hit the snooze button". That one made me laugh my ass off at the obvious ridiculousness of the statement. Really? Then how about the many of us that have been up all night with insomnia or a sick child and sleep right through the alarm? It is people like you Darlene, not Trey, that make this a hard world to traverse. His children will grow up learning important lessons like compassion, and understanding, looking at life's complexities, not being judgemental, unconditional love, empathy, remorse, etc. What will your children learn with your attitude, I wonder? Well, the thought of more people like you in the world just scares the hell out of me!
Keep your head up Trey. As long as you keep being open and honest with your children about your illness--they will be just fine!
All Comments
P.S. Nobody oversleeps unless they hit the snooze button.
Thank you for the comment. It's always interesting to see how other persons view one's behavior and actions. However I feel your comment is not as as accurate as you seem to believe it is. You attached quotes or asterisks around the words: episode, chose, and mental illness. I understand you quoted episode as a reference to the entry within my blog, however I am curious and would like to ask you to explain the asterisks around chose and mental illness.
Do you not believe that I suffer from the conditions stated? Do you feel that regardless of my condition that I should have been able to control my actions? What is your belief about mental illnesses? I would love to continue this discussion with you. That decision ultimately rests with you.
He just came in the room and I read this part to him. This type of thing happens here in our home often. He will tell me, “Oh well, that’s who I am so just deal with it.” Well, I just explained to him that I will work really hard to understand how HE thinks things should be … if he promises to remember (and care) that I CAN’T READ HIS MIND and that it’s MY LIFE TOO! It doesn’t always have to be done HIS way! LOL We are packing today to go camping and traveling seems to be one of the hardest things we “deal” with … so wish me luck!
*huGs* Suzanne
P.S. I was troubled to read Darlene’s comment. First of all, as the mother of 3 and soon-to-be stepmother of yet 2 more … I highly doubt that 99% of others handle their mornings “calmly.” In fact, most of my girlfriends and I share our disappointment and grief with each other when we have an “episode” where we aren’t too proud of our parenting style over any given situation. Give me a break!
@Darlene … How many kids do you have? What are their ages? I too started out a very calm, loving, soft-spoken mother … and sometimes stress can bring out the worst in any of us. His daughter JUST started kindergarten and is a very stressful time for a lot of parents. I personally would never judge someone’s parenting ability over a “rant” post on their blog. Also, I can’t say for sure (because I don’t know Trey) but I highly doubt that the panic attack was over the “hair clip.” He clearly states that his anxiety was in trying to get her to school on time … something I’ve felt many a times.
Now, only he knows if he was truly remorseful and took the steps to apologize to his children. I do agree that type of environment will affect them … now and later. His daughter sounds pretty well-adjusted to me … she in fact found a solution to a problem they were having with the hair clip … and I believe in teaching our kids to think for themselves … and she did.
Darlene this is for you. Where the %^$* do you get off condemning someone who just wanted to stress his frustration at his actions? Don't think that when I came home that day that he didn't feel like crap. He explained the morning and looked absolutely defeated. I've been married to this man for 8 years. Until he went for help with his issues over a year ago things were difficult but we didn't give up on him and we didn't let him down. Since he initially went for help our lives have been harmonious. Yes there have been some times that have been difficult but I'm proud of him and our kids love him and seem to understand his illness better than your grown ass self could.
I feel a bit worried for Darlene because the Lord has a way of "showing" us about things we don't fully accept or understand ... so who knows what he might have in store for her. I don't say that in the way of, "I hope you get yours," but more in a ... "you might need some lessons in compassion for others" kind of way.
I found it refreshing that Trey would share his fiasco, and partial breakdown, from that morning LOL ... something many of us go through (maybe not on his level?) but most wouldn't ever admit to! Do I think it's OK to yell and scream at your kids? Of course not! Unfortunately, most of us do from time to time ... and he showed clear remorse for his behavior ... in his post and there at home.
BTW Darlene ... are you tellilng me you've never hit the snooze button?! Good grief! You really are SuperWoman!!!
Keep your head up Trey. As long as you keep being open and honest with your children about your illness--they will be just fine!